Can and may belong to a category of verbs variously referred to as auxiliary, helping, modal, and defective. They are linguistic fossils, deriving from Old English conjugations that have dwindled through time to only one or two forms.
Can” Instead of Traditional “May”
Nowadays, the rules aren’t so cut and dried. Since the second half of the 19th century, “can” has been used in informal contexts to denote permission
(2). You’ve probably heard someone ask, “Can I go to the party?” If we lived in strict-grammar land, the authorities would complain about this usage, but these days it is acceptable to use “can” in this manner if you’re speaking informally
(3). If you’re a teacher of young children, you probably often hear “Can I go to the bathroom?” Parents probably hear their children whining, “Can I have a cell phone?” So are the kids to blame for using “can” instead of “may”? Well, they just repeat what grown-ups say, and grown-ups are apparently moving away from the sometimes prissy-sounding “may.”
“May” Is OK
Now, “may” does have its rare place. If formality and politeness are of utmost importance, you should use “may” to denote permission. So it would be better to say to the waiter at a fancy restaurant, “May I have more water, please?” than “Can I have more water, please?” If you’ve just knocked on a door, you should probably say, “May I come in?”
Child: Mother, can I play outside?
Mother: I’m sure you can play outside. The question is, “May you?”
Child: May I play outside?
Mother: Yes, you may.
In present tense, may and might are almost interchangeable. A subtle difference is that may can indicate a more likely possibility than might. For example, consider the following sentences:
“I may go to Billy’s game.”
“I might go to Billy’s game.”
Can" Versus "May"
Now we can ponder Donna’s question about “Can or may we expect you tomorrow?” We need to ask ourselves if the speaker is talking about ability or permission. I don’t think it’s talking about permission: “Are we allowed to expect you tomorrow?” No.
Neither does it seem to be talking about ability: “Are we mentally able to expect you tomorrow?” No.
I’ve ruminated on it for a while and I have a feeling that the word “might” would be better: “Might we expect you tomorrow?” Although this sentence is somewhat formal, I’m uncertain of the context. This opens up a whole avenue of discussion. Luckily, we’ve already covered the difference between “may” and “might.”
In the meantime, if we want to ask, “Are you coming tomorrow?” perhaps we should just say it that way. If I were forced to choose between “can” and “may,” I think I would say, “Can we expect you tomorrow?”
There is often confusion over the words can and may.
Can
The word can is used to denote ability.
I can swim.
(I have the ability to swim.)
Can he lift 150 kgs?
(Does he have the ability to lift 150 kgs?)
May
The word may is used to denote permission.
You may swim in this river.
(You are allowed to swim in this river.)
May I have a biscuit?
(Am I permitted to have a biscuit?)
Can for Permission (Informal Setting)
These days, however, the word can is used for both ability and permission, particularly in an informal setting.
You can swim in this river.
(You are allowed to swim in this river.)
Can I have a biscuit?
(Am I permitted to have a biscuit?)
Always May for Permission in a Formal Setting
In a formal setting or in polite company, you should use may to denote permission.
May I leave the table?
(Am I permitted to leave the table?)
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